by Maria
1. This Christmas, it's just you, Mom, and Dad. Everyone else seemed to have their own plans, or perhaps it's always been just the three of you. You'll probably end up at midnight mass or one of those nativity pageants with live camels and donkeys at your local megachurch depending on your religious affiliations. Cords are generally foolproof. Heeled boots are equal parts fancy and conducive to frequent sitting and standing if it's mass and walking form the stadium-sized parking lot if its the pageant. A fur headband is just a cossack hat gateway drug but Mom might side-eye this one a little less. Military outerwear because you'd have rather gone to see The Nutcracker but were overruled.
2. You're attending the same extended family Christmas in small town hell that you've rejected since your terrible twos. Prepare for lectures from Grandma about the True Meaning of Christmas poorly planned gift exchange games. Wear a blazer to remind everyone you're an adult but flats and distressed jeans because you're still fun and cool. Yes, you have to listen to your racist uncle's annual tirade but there are babies and probably a dog or two you get to play with as a consolation prize for maintaining the peace.
3. A new significant other invited you to spend the holidays with his family and you are most certainly neither Christian nor Not Religious But Spiritual person that still buys a tree and bakes sugar cookies each year. I wouldn't overdo it with an theme-party quality ugly Christmas sweater or gratuitous red and green. I'd keep it conservative with a crew-neck sweater in a muted jewel tone and a skirt that goes at least to the knee. Low heels. Peacoat. A sense of humor. I believe in you.
4. For whatever reason, you either couldn't or chose not to return to your hometown for the holidays. Instead, you and the few friends who have also stayed behind put on a celebration of your own. Alternatively known as Friendsgiving's edgier sister, or the guilt-trip Christmas. This is where you take the sartorial risks. Clashing colors. Crop tops. Lucky, lucky you.
5. You're a newly settled, well-established, bonafide adult and deeply regret your decision to host family Christmas for the first time. A brand new apron, obviously. Sleeveless dress because you're going to get hot with all of that cooking and running about. A cardigan for when you can sit for long enough to cool down and remember it is indeed December.
However you do or don't celebrate, we hope you do it happily and safely.
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